Music : "Hate (I Really Don't Like You)" - Plain White T's
Feeling: Distracted

Guess what? I feel like withdrawing myself from school. This thought has been in my mind for weeks now and I just don't know whether I want in or out. I can't seem to decide for the sake of my life. It's the fact that I can leave and move on that's making me think this way. Teachers keep saying that it's my choice to come back for the fifth year. I've dealt with that. Teachers are going to come down hard on me. I'm fine with it. Of course, I want to sit for my O's but at most of the other times, I want to just walk out.

I told myself I'm not strong enough to face it. I don't do well under pressure. I might snap. I might just breakdown from anxiety. Then so oftenly, there is another voice backing me up insisting that it's all for my own good. It's just a little pressure. I can handle it. I can actually get through it unscathed if I wanted to, if I willed myself to. I can accept a little brutality and get over it. I can push myself just a little more farther. I can succeed.

But, man, I'm cynical...and fickle.

God damn! This is frustrating.

Music : "A Lonely September" - Plain White T's
Feeling: Sleepy but craving for The Covenant

I stumbled upon a book yesterday by R.A. Nelson titled Teach Me. It's about a student-teacher relationship and I don't know since when I've started reading that kind of story but there's something about the subject is...I don't quite know how to describe it.

There is just something about it.

I bought a canvas - again. It's a 12x12 square this time. I still have no idea of what should I paint on it. Then there's the fact that my mother has given me her consent to paint my own bedroom door. I can't find the time for now; busy with school and studies and many other things. So, canvas and door aside.

And Reid Garwin...he's got this badass demeanor he carries with him; a kind of troublemaker (though he claimed the other time he isn't really one). If, I remember correctly. Adorning those finger-less gloves is just so pleasing to the eyes. You know, it's bad when I say things like that because my idiosyncratic tendencies are surfacing.

Now...

I ask of you to excuse me for The Covenant awaits my presence.

Music : "Over and Over" - Three Days Grace
Feeling : Dazed & sleepy

I'm effing tired, exhausted and sleepy. I miss CareBear - haha. No, really, even though I don't know him personally, I do miss him because he haunts me in the back of mind with that...uh, smile and...oh, I can't describe it. He's just too cute in a manly way.

I just watched The Covenant and come this Saturday, the day when I turn 17, I'll just sit myself in front of the TV and watch DVDs my bro just bought - maybe. I don't know. There's The Pick of Destiny, that Borat movie, that Night at the Museum movie and then I'm back to watching The Covenant again. Damn, I love movies like that.